I understand about the lack of jobs thing - my DH would love to move up north as he is a scuba instructor but there's just nothing for me up there, I work in IT. It's all happening in Melbourne... so I get that.
Really tough. I don't have a child with special needs or in therapy so I can't really comment on that, but I have to agree with some of the other comments about would breaking up your family negate the benefits of staying in therapy?
I think you should talk to your therapist/counsellor/case worker/whatever the right person is Melbourne/Sydney are not small places, you might be surprised that you can get yourself sorted. Don't know.
As for the bonds your DS has made, well that's a bit harder... short term pain for long term gain?? Not sure, and sorry if that is insensitive - like I said, I'm not in that situation. He will be making new bonds in 2014 anyway, if you all move.
Don't forget - as important as your son is, your relationship with your husband is also important. If you thought maybe a break would be beneficial for you, then great. But if your relationship is all good then it'll be really hard on both of you, as adults and husband and wife. I understand making sacrifices for your kids, but you need to weigh up the costs. I couldn't do it, I need my husband too much.
Ok so speck is due in December 2012? So your DH realistically be looking for work at the start of 2013? So saying that got something and relocated it would be 12 months maximum as I'm assuming you would want to relocated yourself and settled in before your DS starts school in 2014? You would probably want to be there for transition time in Oct/Nov 2013.
That is probably a max of 9 months apart if you think about it like that. I think I could cope with that especially if he came back say once a month. If you do a schedule and plan it I think it would be doable and I wouldn't want to disrupt DS more than once in a transition. He will be disrupted with a school start anyway so will it be worse to have a big move all at once with relocating, school and new support, or a series of disruptions?
Without being in your situation, I can say No, I wouldnt live away from my DH. He travels for work and we both it hate when he's away. We've been through too much to be without each other. No-one else can understand what we've been through except for each other. Life is too short to spend that much time away from each other.
What I find crazy is that there's no work available! What kind of IT is he doing? I think before you look into him moving away for work, look online (seek, careerone, etc) and see what jobs are available or get in touch with local recruitment agencies. DF works in IT and he has never struggled to find a job - on more than one occasion he's quit and within 24 hours has had a new job lined up! Slightly different situation as we live in Adelaide (apparently a lot of companies are moving their IT departments here as everything is cheaper), and obviously depending on the area of IT things could be different, but it still seems very strange to me that there is no work.
Back to your question, personally I wouldn't live away from DF but that's cause we did it last year and we didn't cope. I moved back to Sydney for a job and to help look after my Mum who was in hospital and originally the plan was to stay for 12 months. We saw each other every second weekend and skyped every night but we were both so miserable the whole time. I literally was only every happy every second weekend, and he was very much the same. So it only lasted 6 months.
That said, I have a friend who moved interstate for a job for 18 months and only saw her fiance once every 3 months and they were fine with it. I think it depends on the couple. In the end, you need to do what is right for all of you. While living apart may be hard for awhile, in the long term it might be the best thing for your family.
I would do it only if there was absolutely no alternative, and it was literally the difference between my children eating or not. Otherwise, no way.
My DH had to go overseas for work last year. He was gone for 7 weeks and it was horrible for all of us. He skyped us every day and while the girls adjusted and coped quite well, it was only because I packed their days full of activities and we had a chart counting down to when Daddy would be home again. We both swore that we would never be separated like that again.
I agree with Rivlas - look into transferring your DS's therapies to somewhere that your DH can work. Even if there are waiting lists, you may be able to limit the amount of time that your DH is separated from you and the kids. Alternatively, as a PP said, can your DH postpone his career path until you can either get your son into a programme where there would be work, or until he starts school.
I also agree with Teirae. You've both been through the unimaginable with your darling girl and I can only guess that you will both need each other enormously for support when you bring your beautiful baby home.
Could DH move and then put DS on waiting lists ASAP so you could move as soon as spots come up? That way you might get the best Of both worlds - DH could work in his chosen field and DS could keep up with his appointments and hopefully you won't be apart for too long....
Melbourne/Sydney are not small places, you might be surprised that you can get yourself sorted. Don't know.
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